k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The air was thick with penises
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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