just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
