I heard we made out
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
