you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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