The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
