you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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