I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
