u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
