I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
