Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
