dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
