this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
