I used to practice getting hit by cars.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
