so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
