Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
