This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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