Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
