How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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