i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
