he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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