i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
