Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Even my vagina gasped.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
