i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
