Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
