Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
