dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
