I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
