Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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