where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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