Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
