I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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