do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
