You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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