then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
