my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
