I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
