Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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