I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
