He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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