so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
