shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
