It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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