Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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