I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
