I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
