Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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