I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
