So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
