if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
