Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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