I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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