i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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